it's amazing that You love me like You do

dear orange county,

i've been avoiding making a blog for awhile now
for fear that i might say something real.
i couldn't post the things that i used to do,
because i didn't want that life to be my own.

i was afraid of being judged
and looked down up.
i didn't stand up for myself because
i was scared
someone might care that much about me.

after creating a life of dishonesty,
i woke up and realized
that i was turning into nothing .

the way i was progressing,
was on a down-slope.
and i was going nowhere.
and if i stayed there,
nothing would ever change.

i've spent a lot of time making up for the mistakes i've made .
reconciliation has been made .
sins forgiven .
honest joy has been a result
of nights spent alone.

that wasn't who i am .
i showed you someone else.
i'm sorry if you thought that she was real
because i wasn't.

life in oregon has been so good for me,
i have a job that i love and friends
that seem like they've been around forever.
so can we please stop this "i thought i was your old life" business
and know that the ties i cut was the baggage that was keeping me behind?

there's so much more to life than right now,
i'm looking to move mountains.

who knows if i'll be back, but i'm so happy to be here .

this is the oldest i've ever been.

love.