fish out of water

i'm currently feeling like a fish out of water - and not just some weak nemo-fish, either. more like a fish with a sword, a helmet, and a sheild.

there have been more than just a couple of times in my life where i've felt something big is on its way. something has been planted and its cute little head is going to sprout up and out of the ground anytime now. right now, i'm in the time of watering and nourishing and (just like a good warrior-fish would do) preparing for battle. it lives in my gut: to pray more and harder than i ever have before.

along with God moving, however, a spark is lit under a certain-stupid enemy's behind - he wants to make me feel like a lesser-than nemo-fish and give up. i'm living in anticipation, trying to keep my head in bend, and praying for crazy, outrageous things. let's see what happens..

- in and through my relationship with Gregg.

- in finding out what my role is in supporting Cassie and how i can really, truly be there for her.

- with ministry involvement.

- with finances. am i supposed to get a second job? is it impossible to find somewhere to live rent-free?

- the job i have now and trying to love it again.

He breathes, and the earth shakes

a year ago today, i was hired at red robin as, quite possibly, the oldest hostess in red robin history. i felt like a total dork taking the position. i was making $14/hour before moving and, let's be honest, red is not my color.

i was excited to make new freinds and have real interaction with people (even if it meant talking about fry-fills and freckled lemonades). for the month i lived in bend, i spent most of my time having "Jesus dates" downtown or rearranging my closet. i'd close myself off in my tiny bedroom and wonder what the heck i had done by moving here.

in the past year, i've received instant answers to prayers. i've been healed of things that, when attempted to bandage myself, i only made worse. i've learned the difference between happiness and joy. and i've been given passion that i couldn't imagine without His purpose.

when i think of the past year and what has happened, i get a little dizzy. i get a little anxious, and then it all flutters away. i'm excited to serve a God who moves even when we feel like we're in idle. His plan is lined up even when we see it going nowhere. we don't make anything happen and, even when we're wanting to give up on our dreams, He is the only way it will ever come true.

i can't wait to see what's going to happen in the next year. i'm anticipating earth-shaking moments and hoping to move some mountains. one step at a time.